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Marriage
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MissMarie



Joined: 04 Jan 2005
Posts: 12
Location: california

PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:56 pm    Post subject: My Two Cents Reply with quote

"I'm going to Virginia next week, wanna come?"

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

"I guess so."

"Okay."

That was my mom and dad.

I don't really have an answer for this subject, just a few opinions. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to understand marriage, because to tell you the truth, I'm still trying to figure men out. And I don't mind, because if I didn't love them so much, I wouldn't bother.

I've never been married. I'm 33 years old, I got two kids. I'm attending an online college to get my degree in Criminal Justice, and I write comedies on the side. I always had an idea of how marriage should be since I was a little girl, unfortunately, falling madly in love, getting married and having kids didn't work out exactly the way I wanted it to.

I don't think there's a real answer to the question of whether men are more afraid of marriage than women are. I want to get married one day (don't know if that will happen, since men seem to be afraid of single mothers), and the whole idea terrifies me. In order for me to want to marry someone, I would have to be completely and hopelessly in love with the man, and that kind of love scares me.

I can't say men are afraid of commitment, because I know women who are. Also, I think everyone looks at the divorce rate and thinks "whats the point, i'm just going to end up divorced eventually anyway"

The problem with that, is that alot of people get married for the wrong reasons. Because they're bored. Because they feel sorry for the other person, or because they think they owe them something. So, of course, the minute something goes wrong, its not worth it to them to try and work out the problem, so they get a divorce. People treat marriage like its a game, or a joke. I can't speak for men, but thats part of the reason I'm scared of it. I know why I would get married, but what would his reasons be?
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mikebl34



Joined: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Rancho Cucamonga, CA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:39 pm    Post subject: Marriage Reply with quote

Speaking from the males point of view or maybe it's just mine, I would have to say that it probably pretty equal. I'm on my 2nd marriage and I didn't hesitate on my decision to get married. My ex wants to get married, but it going about it the wrong way. I know that single mothers have other things to worry about, but one should not look at every man as their next husband. If it's meant to be it will happen. Keep looking for Mr/Mrs Right, but don't feel bad if you have to go through a few of Mr/Mrs Right Nows on the way.
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deafpower



Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Posts: 396
Location: in my warm bed lol

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 4:43 pm    Post subject: engagement Reply with quote

i keep wondering why why why? for examples u know marriages to show they r strong love each other for life and health wotever

but some people r not make sense im really confess cuz for examples when u and ur boyfriend only know about 3 months etc and he ask u will marry him it quite short to ask cuz they ve no time 2 know each other really well and married next months it not make sense

some else r engage later 2 years woteva to show they love each other n enjoy company and strong relationship to kn each other reallie well which r not too bad they have plenty time to do it don't need to rush things up!

well it is their choices of courses we can't force them u kn wot i means

deafpower Cool
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Iron Maiden



Joined: 13 Jul 2003
Posts: 111
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

personally i dont think its fear with me but i just dont wanna get married...I mean ok im 17 so things could well change but i just hate the thought of being married...Im not scared of it, that im aware of but i just dont wanna get married.
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virtuoso in pink



Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 32
Location: Houston, Texas

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Marriage seems like a great concept but usually when played out dosen't work as well.. I can't say that I'm really looking to settle down, but it would be nice to grow old with someone whom you love.
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RedDragon747



Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage Reply with quote

KatiePride wrote:
Who's MORE affraid of marriage?
MEN OR WOMEN?
As for me....been there, done that, have a kid....wanna stay away from relationships.
Guess I'm affraid of marriage now.


Men tend to be more afraid of commitment then women in my view.

Over 50 percent of marriages end in failure (divorce). And with that, women tend to get more out of divorces than men, particularly once children enter the equation... Oh god. The woman almost always gets the kids, almost always gets the house- even if the guy bought it initially, and the guy has to pay child support, and alimony which is basically punishment for getting a divorce.
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Kimalleno



Joined: 05 Nov 2002
Posts: 2
Location: Olympia, WA

PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 5:19 pm    Post subject: Just relax about it. Reply with quote

Don't ask questions, don't be paranoid, have sex regularly and love as unconditionally as you can. I've been with my husband for almost 15 years, we have 3 kids and I'm in it for the overall experience, good and the bad. I've learned to let go, I don't care if he thinks about other women, I think about other men. Not about loving them, just the lust portion. It doesn't even matter if you have a piece of paper saying you're legally married. If you're with someone, you're with them. Gene Simmons of Kiss has got it down pat.
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LadyWriter



Joined: 03 Jul 2005
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There certainly are people that stand out so much more than anyone else. He (or she) is special but still is human and will have bad days too. It is the long term that is fun. If someone is found that is kind, supportive, enjoyable to be with, easy to talk to, it would be missing out on something very special.

Good night
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bronzebabe



Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 17
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:10 am    Post subject: marriage, men or women... Reply with quote

Men are more afraid of marriage, altho women are afraid, most of the time, we are Way more ready than they are... this comes from a divorcee... ex was NOT marriage material, even tho I wanted him to be...
Smile
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nickneptune



Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Central Canada

PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's my attempt at reviving this old thread:

The problem with marriage is the daunting idea of "Till death do us part." Lots of pressure, little wiggle room for interpretation. Yes, the concept of a life together is comforting on one level. I think one of the nicest descriptions of a lifelong marriage was in the 2005 film, "Shall We Dance", where Susan Sarandon is describing her vision of marriage to the private detective she's hired to follow her husband (I know it sounds like a bad joke; it really is the scenario). She says something like, "Marriage is knowing someone's there to bear witness to your life...", which I thought was a very sweet and tender way to see it.

Now here's the "but": But in real life most things, including relationships with other people, have water levels and 'best before' dates. Relationships work perfectly up to a point, just as marriages fit each other's lives up to a point. Compatibility isn't a static condition (just like waistlines), and what fit perfectly a few years ago may not fit today. There are so many options and distractions and mixed messages, plus there are more years to spend, that the chances that death will indeed do us part becomes the least likely reason for a marriage to dissolve. We meet more people, we buy more things, we access more leisure, we travel to more places than any generation before, and with all that flux it sadly becomes harder and harder to keep the same partner on the seat next to you throughout the ride. I don't know if it's us that changes, but, over time, what we think we want out of life definitely does.

I'm not anti-marriage, just a bit melancholy about its chances.[/b]
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bronzebabe



Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 17
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:57 am    Post subject: marriage- revived Reply with quote

Okay, you got me there... I am not a big marriage fan. I realized before now, (age 40), that maybe I just am not good at marriage. I don't wanna be a "serial marrier" nor do I want to be a "serial dater"... so I took a few years to realize that I go about it the wrong way. I think I need to write a nice book on the subject of marriage AND sex. I think it would benefit guys... and some women would finally understand their guys. Maybe...
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nickneptune



Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Central Canada

PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bronzebabe,

Yeah, it's interesting how sex and marriage have become irrevocably glued together. You can go out for dinner with a friend, you can hug a colleague, you can share secrets with a brother and you can plan a future with your business partner. But you can't have sex with any of them.

Well, okay, technically you can, but it would be kinda' gross in most cases.

My point, I guess, is that our entire sexual beings are focused on our spouse, often before our sexual beings are clear even to ourselves. Sex is a bigger part of our lives than most of us admit, and all of it - every last hormonal drop - is supposed to be channeled into our marriages. It's a lot to hope that both sets of fantasies evolve in the same way at the same speed with the same frequency.

My melancholy mood isn't only about sex, although that's part of it. There's a lot more holding a marriage together than sex, obviously. My story is I'm just feeling like there more holes in my particular leaky boat than I can patch. I'm mentally tired.

And you? Got issues? Sounds like your relationships might suffer from early expiry dates, like the carton of milk you just bought that expires in two days.
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bronzebabe



Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 17
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 5:52 am    Post subject: marriage Reply with quote

Yes, I probably DO have "sex and marriage" issues, nick. I don't HAVE relationships right now. I think it's because I think ultimately, it will lead to marriage or a break- up. Neither of which I care to have again. I'm not sure that I wish to live alone, but I'm not sure I would want to marry again, either.
It's hard to decide what IS and ISNT right in my life. I have had a few "friends" that suggested maybe being "friends with benefits" but that never works out. Someone Always wants more. Funny thing is, it's not me. Oh well.
So, that's me in a nutshell, warped, yes?
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Amy Tucker



Joined: 18 Nov 2010
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:22 am    Post subject: Women a re most afraid Reply with quote

As to my knowledge women are most afraid of getting marriage especially during their early years of booming career period. As for men they are always ready to go to bed without marriage but never afraid of getting married if such situation arises.
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KatieSandstrom



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 152
Location: North Pole, Alaska

PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage Reply with quote

KatiePride wrote:
Who's MORE affraid of marriage?
MEN OR WOMEN?
As for me....been there, done that, have a kid....wanna stay away from relationships.
Guess I'm affraid of marriage now.
Did I say that? WOW! Time does change everything. My wounds have healed and I can actually contemplate marriage. Feels good to have arrived at this revelation. Life really does go on as they say.

I NOW think that BOTH men and women are equally afraid of marriage.
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