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Marriage
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KatieSandstrom



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 152
Location: North Pole, Alaska

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2003 11:08 am    Post subject: Marriage Reply with quote

Who's MORE affraid of marriage?
MEN OR WOMEN?
As for me....been there, done that, have a kid....wanna stay away from relationships.
Guess I'm affraid of marriage now.
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cats567



Joined: 02 Nov 2002
Posts: 15
Location: Davenport florida

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2003 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello

I am not married but I would have to say the women. The biggest things are trust and commitment , especally before two people tie the knot. My friend in michigan was dating a guy for over 8 years. They were engage. She got very sick in her female organs. The guy became disappointed and did not support her heath and what the conquences might be. He baselly dumped her for this reason. A women may not feel secured in their relationship as was the case with this poor "Boy". Now I know their are many other reasons why women may be a little scare about marriage. My dad says money plays a big part in this whole marriage thing .
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barbara



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2003 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

1st time marriage--I would say men. 2nd time marriages-After you have gone thru a divorce , women are the ones who shy away from getting married again.
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achristmasstory



Joined: 14 Feb 2003
Posts: 230

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2003 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

barbara wrote:
2nd time marriages-After you have gone thru a divorce , women are the ones who shy away from getting married again.


That's what I've noticed too. I've seen so many more guys ready to get remarried as soon as their divorce is final and they usually do. And these weren't guys cheating on their wives while they were married. These are guys who start dating after they've been separated for awhile. I'm not one for dating someone who's separated but I've gone out with some of these guys on what I thought was an "as friends" thing and was ready to run for the hills. They see me as settled so they wanted to date me. I didn't date them (the separated issue) and most were ready to remarry someone as soon as the divorce was final. I guess it wasn't me they wanted to date but someone that they thought would want to be married. Seems like these guys focused more on the positives of their marriages after they divorced. Could be a good thing or could be a sticking their heads in the sand thing.
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K.C.



Joined: 25 Jan 2003
Posts: 109
Location: Tucson, Arizona

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2003 6:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is a saying I love; "Seoond marrages is hope winning over experience.". In my case that is very true. I didn't care if I got married at any time. Thanks to my first spouse I kind of feel marrage has gotten disposable. But it was important to the man I was dating to make it offical. So I tend to think it is the woman who becomes afraid. After all, we are the ones that tend to move, change our names and take most of the burden of keeping the family life together. (I did all of that except change my name....When people notice that Bill's name is diffenct from mine then normally ask why....I tell them it is because Bill wouldn't change his.)
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Hotrod



Joined: 22 Dec 2002
Posts: 74

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2003 7:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Both are scared.
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K.C.



Joined: 25 Jan 2003
Posts: 109
Location: Tucson, Arizona

PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 6:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hotrod wrote:
Both are scared.


That is true. I think fear is common in both sexes. I also think that is a good thing. Survival making sure this is where you should be....
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Klatu
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2003 7:22 am    Post subject: Re: Flying united? Reply with quote

Good question... and good answers!

Is it that we have a false sense of what marrage really is because we adopted someone elses idea of what it could or should be?

Have we tesed that ideal and found it was not congruent to the stated terms?

Are we now in disbelief that such a perfect state cannot exist as idealized?

Why does one always fall short of the other? I'm not talking once but time and time again... until the camels back brakes?

Right when you think you know someone... that's when you begin to know them as they are.

There are no coarses to take for preparing yourself, you can read all the books there are... and still there are no garranties or tried and true methods of success.

When Adam and Eve where in the garden together, they were'nt married, but learned to walk together and think together and support one another.... it was a 'being' thing not a doing (achieving) thing.

To my recent 'X' a 20 year commitment was'nt worth a damn... to others, it's all they ever wanted or expected from life itself.... go figure.

There are no tests, there are no garranties, but love endures all this, I'm slowly warming up to this idea.

Still truely dissapointed
K
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barbara



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan

PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2003 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gone are the days of married to death do they part (unless one dies young)..sad isn't it?
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guest
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:02 pm    Post subject: fear/marriage Reply with quote

I've known a few people who lost alot after a first marriage, who were genuinely afraid of a second try, but for theobvious reasons. I know others who had their trust broken, who refused to trust again. But I wonder if, on the whole, there is really fear, or are there simply more options open to us, that weren't two generations ago?
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barbara



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2003 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Myself I would say its the broken trust--with the fact we do have more options these days making it okay to not be married.
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kanyonatic



Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 51
Location: SURREY ENGLAND

PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:37 am    Post subject: on a positive note Reply with quote

Very Happy I'd actually like to get married again for the second time why i hear you shout Shocked well the first time i feel i was too young,too pressured into it and the biggest thing i was NOT inlove with him...long story but my marriage lasted 7 years but i'd like to be married to a man i would like to say "till death do us part" and mean it even if it didn't happen.I've never experienced being 100% inlove with anyone...sad i know Crying or Very sad but i know i still have something to look forward to Very Happy its just a case of finding it.I don't think women are more scared the second time round that is i think they are more picky of their potential partner how many times have friends said "He/she is nice a perfect match"etc and you've thought "Yeah right" and noone seems to match up i know i'm more picky but its something i'm working on slowly...
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Jason Myers



Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 12
Location: Metro Detroit Area, MI

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2003 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good to be picky Kanyonatic; never settle for less than what you want Wink
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guest
Guest





PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2003 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

seems like the immature can't handle the long term comitment. takes a visionary to look beyond one self.
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Kimalleno



Joined: 05 Nov 2002
Posts: 2
Location: Olympia, WA

PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 11:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What does marriage have to do with it? This should be about love. If you love someone and have a family you should do all you can to support what you have. If you and your spouse cannot make it work then the break up occurred long before the divorce. I think it's very odd that people judge whether or not a marriage was successful based on if they stayed married or got divorced. Unhappy is unhappy and that is that. A stupid piece of paper doesn't keep people in love; life is a long time (hopefully). Sometimes you get settled in to a routine and fall out of love or just fall into friendship. The goal is to fill your life with as much love as possible. If things do not work out with your partner, hopefully you end it before you hate each other. Too many people wait until they can't stand to even look at each other, that's bad for you and your children, family and friends. It is so sad to think of all those couples who stayed married their entire lives and were miserable or just "ok". For those who stayed married because they were happy, that is wonderful! How many did it just because their family or religion told them too? What did that accomplish?
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