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THE ZANDERGROMS SITCOM WANT TO SHARE
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
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Location: New York

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2016 5:49 pm    Post subject: THE ZANDERGROMS SITCOM WANT TO SHARE Reply with quote

WE HAVE A NEW SITCOM OUT OF OLD POSTS. POSTING IT WITH THE HELP OF INKTIP.COM ENJOY
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2016 5:51 pm    Post subject: THE ZANDERGROMS LINK Reply with quote

A request has been made to remove this link because of personal reasons. So if you want to read the script please ask first and then I will email privately the link. Thanks for understanding.

Last edited by LadyHawke on Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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phillip j why



Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Posts: 133

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am unsure how this works
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 1080
Location: New York

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 7:11 am    Post subject: Sitcom Link Reply with quote

Unfortunately, my co-writer wants to remain a silent partner in this. However, if you do wish to read our script I would be most happy to send you a copy. The link should have been user friendly at the inktip site. All you had to do was link on it and voila!

anyway. I am also on twitter if you want the inktip.com linkup instead. Thanks a bunch.
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phillip j why



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I followed the link and found a synopsis then I had to sighn in.
Quite the perplexing website
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

okay so I will send you a PDF file of the script. Unfortunately, I am at work now and did not get the request until just now. I will do this for you when I get home around 10 pm EST.
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TheTimMan



Joined: 01 May 2016
Posts: 82

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I run a movie podcast, and we would LOVE to check out the script. We've been big fans of Mr. Allen for a long time and have been trying to reach out to him for quite some time. We think we're close, and we want to interview him. Send us the script, and maybe we can get him to read it.
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 1080
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks do you want to email me for a copy? I was going to post it page by page on this site because my co-writer suggested that for her privacy. But I can email you a copy just as easily

lalongcarabine2000@yahoo.com I look forward to hearing from you either way. And my name is Frances!
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 3:39 pm    Post subject: Writing Materials Reply with quote

TimMan are you accepting applications for writers? If you are may I send you a resume and some writing samples of my work as an application for a position. thank you.
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phillip j why



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another pod cast!
What's the name of your pod cast
I like movies
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 3:43 am    Post subject: Posting the Pages Cold Opening Reply with quote

here is THE ZANDERGROMS":

COLD OPENING
FADE IN:
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S AND MITCH EMPORIUM - DAY(DAY 1) (The Zandergroms: Eddie, Amanda, Grampy, Jerica, Lucky the dog)
WE OPEN ON A HIGH WALL DISPLAYING THE STORE’S NAME BENEATH CASCADING STAIRCASES ON EITHER SIDE, WHERE OLD PORTRAITS OF ZANDERGROM ANCESTORS HANG: UNCLES HELMUT AND ELMER ZANDERGROM, COUSIN OTTO ZANDERGROM AND CECIL B. D. ZANDERGROM.
AMANDA ZANDERGROM, MATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY, SITS AT HER COMPUTER. SHE’S ABOUT 60, A LARGE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN, AND VERY GRUMPY.
THE ZANDERGROM EMPORIUM IS DECORATED LIKE SANTA’S WORKSHOP. IN FACT, THAT’S WHERE IT’S LOCATED, IN SANTA LAND AT THE NORTH POLE.
EDDIE (V.O.)
Mom. Mom.
EDDIE ZANDERGROM ENTERS. HANDSOME, BUT KIND OF WIMPY, HE’S 40 -ISH.
EDDIE
Mother. What are you doing at the
computer? I need you in the show-
room.
AMANDA
Searching for a new family.
EDDIE
Have any luck yet?
JERICA, YOUNG TEENAGE GOTH GIRL, 17, DESCENDS THE STAIRS DRESSED TO THE NINES AS CRUELLA DE VILLE.
AMANDA
Here it comes. Miss America.
As if having twins and a loser
wasn’t enough punishment.
JERICA
Well? Grandma? Uncle Eddie?
What do you think?


EDDIE
You’re going to the junior prom
dressed in that?
AMANDA
Sadly, it’s one of our family’s
saner moments.
MALACHI ZANDERGROM, EDDIE’S SON, 14, HIS FRIEND, ALSO 14, ENTER.
MALACHI
Dad. Can I borrow the car?
Eddie
Absolutely not! You know you’re
not old enough to drive yet.
MALACHI SHRUGS.
MALACHI
Well. It was worth a shot.
BOYS EXIT.
AMANDA
You and Amelia just couldn’t have
normal children, could you? What
did I do to deserve this?
GRAMPY ZANDERGROM ENTERS CARRYING A COOKIE SHEET OF “PASTRIES.” ABOUT 80, WHITE HAIR, BALDING, WEARS A GOATEE AND WIRE RIMMED GLASSES, HE’S DRESSED LIKE ONE OF SANTA’S FUNKY ELVES. HE TROMPS OVER TO LUCKY THE FAMILY POOCH.
GRAMPY
Who’d like to test my new recipe,
as if I couldn’t guess?
EDDIE SNATCHES A “PASTRY” OFF THE SHEET AS GRAMPY PASSES BY, TAKES A HUGE BITE INTO IT.
EDDIE
OOH! UGH! Yuck! These taste
like dog biscuits.

GRAMPY
They are dog biscuits, dumb *!$%@.
GRAMPY GIVES A PASTRY TO LUCKY.
GRAMPY
Here ya go, Lucky. Tell me what
you think.
LUCKY WAGS HIS TAIL, TROTS OFF WITH HIS TREAT.
GRAMPY
Well, that’s another real job
opportunity all shot to Hades
for you.
EDDIE
What’s that, Grampy?
GRAMPY
Food connoisseur for Bone
Appetit Magazine. That’s spelled
B-O-N-E.
AS GRAMPY EXITS.
EDDIE
You know, I was a highly success-
ful television producer and director
until that lawsuit.
AMANDA OFFERS EDDIE HER HANDKERCHIEF.
AMANDA
My condolences and this handkerchief
will have to do. The violins couldn’t
make it.
EDDIE STICKS THE DOG BISCUIT INTO HIS MOUTH AGAIN, FRUSTRATED.
EDDIE
Oh, blah! YUCK!

PHONE RINGS. AMANDA ANSWERS.
AMANDA
Zandergrampy’s and Mitch Reindeer
Harness and all things Santa Emporium.
How can I help you?
AMANDA HANDS EDDIE THE RECEIVER.
AMANDA
It’s for you.
EDDIE
Edward Zandergrom speaking. What
do you mean Edward Zandergrom who?
I’m your brother!
FADE OUT.
MAIN TITLES
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 3:51 am    Post subject: Zandergroms Act I pages 7 = 15 Reply with quote

ACT ONE
SCENE A
FADE IN:
INT. RAVEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT (Raven, Oliver, Jaimie, Dexter their pooch)
A PRETTY, PRECOCIOUS TEEN, RAVEN, SITS AT HER DESK STRUGGLING TO WRITE IN HER JOURNAL.
RAVEN
Once upon a time. Once upon a time.
Hmm. Trying to write a fairy tale
for English class is really hard
work. I wonder if any pharmaceuti-
cal companies have a cure for
writer’s block?
RAVEN LETS OUT A HUGE BELCH.
RAVEN’S MADE UP VOICE
Have you tried Gas-X?
RAVEN
Are you saying my stories are full
of hot air?
AN IDEA STRIKES. TAKING HER PEN, RAVEN BEGINS SLASHING IT ACROSS HER JOURNAL’S PAGES. THEN STABS IT. SHE ADMIRES HER HANDIWORK.
RAVEN
Eat your heart out, Freddie Krueger.
I never did like writing stupid
fairy tales anyway.
RAVEN SCRIBBLES AWAY AGAIN AS HER TWO, YOUNG, PAJAMA’ED SIBLINGS, OLIVER (boy) AND JAIMIE (girl), ABOUT 6 OR 7, RUN IN WITH THEIR PET DOG DEXTER AND STUFFED TOYS.
OLIVER/JAIMIE
Raven! Raven! Tell us a story.


RAVEN
You promise to go right to sleep
if I do?
OLIVER
Of course. Us gorgeous types
need our beauty sleep.
JAIMIE
You always say that.
RAVEN
I think something’s out of whack
here.
OLIVER
Tell us the story about Uncle
Eddie’s birthday party.
JAIMIE
I want to hear the one about the
Abominable Snowman.
OLIVER
Silly. That is the birthday
party story.
RAVEN
Are you two sure you didn’t switch
genes and chromosomes when I wasn’t
looking?
OLIVER
What are genes and chromosomes?
JAIMIE
Duh! They’re the new outfits Mom
bought us for school.


RAVEN
Mom should have gotten me a couple
of Cabbage Patch dolls for Christ-
mas instead of a brother and sister.
The Zandergroms it is.
OLIVER/JAIMIE
YAY!
OLIVER, JAIMIE CLIMB ONTO RAVEN’S BED, SNUGGLE IN EITHER SIDE OF RAVEN. RAVEN OPENS UP HER JOURNAL.
RAVEN
Everyone ready? Once upon a time
there lived this very strange family
at the North Pole with Santa and his
elves. The Zandergroms. There was
Eddie Zandergrom, the normal brother
and the eldest, Freddie Zandergrom,
the not so normal brother, Freddie’s
twin sister Amelia who …
DISSOLVE TO:
SCENE B
INT. FREDDIE’S HAUNTED MANSION - HALLOWEEN NIGHT (Freddie Zandergrom, Cassandra, Jerica, Eddie, Crystal Ball Sprite)
FREDDIE’S MANSION IS DECORATED LIKE DRACULA’S CASTLE COMPLETE WITH CLOSED COFFIN. FREDDIE’S GIRLFRIEND, CASSANDRA, 30 SOMETHING, IS DRESSED AS A GYPSY. SHE SITS AT A TABLE GAZING INTO A RATHER LARGE CRYSTAL BALL.
WE HEAR A MALE VOICE COMING FROM THE CRYSTAL BALL.
CRYSTAL BALL SPRITE
Hello Gorgeous.
WE SEE IT’S THE CRYSTAL BALL’S PRANKSTER SPRITE.


CASSANDRA
Well, aren’t you just the sweetest
little disembodied spirit from beyond
the grave.
SPRITE WINKS AT HER.
WE HEAR EERIE PIPE ORGAN MUSIC BEGIN TO PLAY.
COFFIN CREAKS OPEN. FREDDIE ZANDERGROM SLOWLY RISES DRESSED AS COUNT DRACULA. HE’S ALSO 30 SOMETHING.
FREDDIE
Good evening.
CASSANDRA
I’ll just bet you say that to all
your women.
FREDDIE
You like my Bela Legosi impersonation.
CASSANDRA
And who wouldn’t? God, you’re cute when
you have blood dripping from your fangs.
But then those steaks we had for dinner
tonight were rather rare.
FREDDIE
Never say stake to a vampire.
FREDDIE CLIMBS OUT OF THE COFFIN.
FREDDIE
Eddie’s gonna love what we did for
his birthday this year. The big
four-oh.
CASSANDRA
He’d better. It cost us an arm
and a leg.


FREDDIE
So, which family member did we
have to dig up in order to pay
for it?
CASSANDRA
It’s on the thank you note Dr.
Frankenstein will be sending you.
FREDDIE
You’re so cute. I love it when
you talk dirt to me.
CASSANDRA
I know.
JERICA ENTERS DRESSED AS JACK THE RIPPER. SHE CARRIES A BAGFUL OF ITEMS FOR THE PARTY, PLUS A GIGANTIC VANILLA ICE CREAM SUNDAE DRIPPING WITH RED SYRUP, TOPPED WITH WHIPPED CREAM AND A BLOODSHOT CANDY EYEBALL. SHE SHOWS IT TO FREDDIE. FREDDIE REACTS.
JERICA
I call my creation the bloody
sundae. What do you think, Uncle
Freddie?
FREDDIE
What? No sprinkles? I thought you
were going to dress up as the evil
morlock from the Time Machine?
JERICA
I was. But then I found out green
and white are so not my colors.
JERICA WHIPS OUT A SACKFUL OF APPLES DECORATED AS SHRUNKEN VOODOO HEADS.
JERICA
You think Uncle Eddie will like my
version of bobbing for apples?

FREDDIE
Make that bobbing for Crispy Crème
doughnuts and you’ve got yourself
a winner. Say. I kind of like
that costume you’re wearing. Jack
the Ripper really suits you, Jerica.
JERICA
You think so? Maybe I’ll wear
this to the prom.
CASSANDRA
It certainly couldn’t be any worse
than what your friends will be
wearing.
FREDDIE
Or that beast you’ll be dragging
to it. Which reminds me. Is there
a full moon scheduled for this
evening? AOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!
JERICA
That’s a great idea, Uncle Freddie.
Going to the prom as Bella and
Jacob. Harry does kind of look like
a werewolf when he forgets to
shave. Thanks.
JERICA EXITS.
FREDDIE
No problemo.
CASSANDRA
That bloodsucking saga sure saved
your bacon.


FREDDIE
Which reminds me yet again. I need
to check on the caterers.
FREDDIE TAKES OUT HIS CELL PHONE.
FREDDIE
Eddie’s gonna love this.
CASSANDRA
I’ll go scare us up some Bloody
Marys while you’re making your call.
You’re sure Jerica’s not your
daughter instead of Amelia’s.
FREDDIE
You know how I feel about kids.
I hate ‘em.
CASSANDRA EXITS.
FREDDIE
Hello. Ernie’s Pig Roast?
Scene B
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S EMPORIUM, MAIN SHOWROOM - NIGHT (Grampy, Eddie, George the Elf, EWOKS, Malachi, Freddie)
GRAMPY’S DRESSED IN MINISTERIAL ROBES STANDING REVERENTLY IN HIS PULPUT NESTLED IN HIS DISPLAY CORNER. MIDGETS DRESSED AS “EWOKS” STAND ON PODIUMS ON EITHER SIDE AS GEORGE AND MALACHI LISTEN ON THE SHOW FLOOR. EDDIE’S IN A LOUNGE CHAIR IN ANOTHER CORNER TALKING ON HIS PHONE.
GRAMPY
And the Lord said unto Moses …
EDDIE
George Lucas called. He wants his
Ewoks back.
EWOKS REMOVE COSTUME HEADS.
GRAMPY
Sorry, boys, it didn’t work out.


ONE EWOK
You still want us for the Christmas
display.
GRAMPY
Is George Lucas Jewish?
EWOKS EXIT. GRAMPY DESCENDS FROM HIS PULPIT.
GEORGE
Well, there goes that idea for
bringing more customers into the
store.
GRAMPY
I didn’t even get to the part where
Moses parts the Red Sea.
MALACHI
I thought the releasing of the
ten plagues was pretty cool, Grampy.
EDDIE
Bugs are still flying around from
that one. Grampy, don’t you think
trying to sell elves on the idea
of Moses and the Ten Commandments
is just a little too preachy for
our customers?
GRAMPY
Don’t you have a birthday party
to go to?
EDDIE
I told Freddie already … I don’t
want a big fuss made over my
fortieth birthday. I would


EDDIE (CONT’D)
rather spend a quiet evening home
alone with my best girl.
HUGE SWISS CUCKOO CLOCK ON THE WALL CHIMES OUT “CUCKOO, CUCKOO.”
CUCKOO CLOCK BIRD
Repent, repent, the end is near.
EDDIE
Like I said, Grampy. Just a little
too preachy.
GRAMPY
Let’s see you come up with a better
idea, Mr. Charmed School got cancelled.
Oh, and by the way, the Tribulation
is just around the corner. I hope
you’re ready to meet your Maker.
EDDIE
Can I at least get my fortieth
birthday over-with first?
EDDIE DIALS HIS PHONE.
EDDIE
Show gets cancelled. I lose the
lawsuit filed against it. What
more tribulation could there
possibly be for me other than
the big four-oh? Hmm. I’m a poet
and don’t know it.
GRAMPY
Repent, repent. The end is near.
EDDIE
Give it a break, Grampy.
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:20 am    Post subject: pages 16 - 23 Reply with quote

16
MALACHI
Well, if you’re not going to your
birthday party, can I?
EDDIE
Isn’t it past your bedtime?
MALACHI
You never let me have any fun!
MALACHI TROMPS OFF.
GRAMPY
(to George) That man has issues.
GEORGE
I’ll say.
GRAMPY, GEORGE WALK AWAY.
EDDIE
Hello, Miss Hexabuh. Veronica.
It’s my birthday. The big four-oh
and I was wondering. I was going
to spend a quiet night at home
alone, but then I thought, Eddie,
why not spend your birthday with a
beautiful, gorgeous, sexy … it’s
Eddie. Eddie Zandergrom. The
producer and director of your show.
Charmed School. What do you mean
you wouldn’t go out with me if I
was the man on Earth? I ruined your
life?
CLICK. VERONICA HANGS UP. EDDIE DIALS AGAIN.

EDDIE (CONT’D)
Angela. It’s Eddie Zandergrom.
Yeah, it has been a long time. I
wondering, what are you doing
tonight around midnight?
CLICK. ANGELA HANGS UP.
GEORGE
You could try our store clerk,
Eleanor. She’s gone home for the
evening. But then, you’d definitely
be risking strike number three.
EDDIE
Go to the party.
Scene C
INT. RAVEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT (Raven, Oliver, Jaimie, Dexter)
OLIVER AND JAIMIE ARE STILL WIDE AWAKE.
OLIVER
Poor Eddie. He can’t catch a
break.
JAIMIE
Well, you know the saying. Some
days are diamonds, some guys are
toads.
OLIVER
That’s some days are stones.
JAIMIE
You interpret the story the way
you want. I’ll interpret the
story the way I want.


18
RAVEN
Are you two sure you aren’t really
related to the Zandergroms and
just pretending to be my little
brother and sister?
DISSOLVE TO:
Scene D
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S EMPORIUM, MAIN SHOWROOM - NIGHT (Eddie, Grampy, George, Malachi)
EDDIE’S STILL TRYING TO FIND A DATE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
RAVEN (V.O.)
Meanwhile, Eddie gets a call
from Freddie.
EDDIE’S PHONE RINGS. EDDIE SEES IT’S FREDDIE CALLING.
EDDIE
Suicide hotline. How may I help
you?
Scene E
INT. FREDDIE’S HAUNTED MANSION - NIGHT (Freddie, Cassandra, Party guests)
FREDDIE’S ON HIS PHONE. CASSANDRA’S GIVING A READING AT HER CRYSTAL BALL, SOME GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED.
FREDDIE
I think that was supposed to be my
line. Hey, bro. What’s taking so
long? Your guests are starting
to arrive.
ELVIRA THE VAMPIRESS SLINKS PAST FREDDIE.
FREDDIE
And, boy. Have they started arriving.
FREDDIE SUDDENLY HEARS A …


CASSANDRA (V.O.)
Down, boy!
FREDDIE REACTS. CASSANDRA GIVES HIM A VERY DIRTY LOOK.
FREDDIE
What?
CASSANDRA
She’s not your blood type.
FREDDIE
I was thinking about Eddie.
CASSANDRA
Like when Hell freezes over you
were.
Scene F
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S EMPORIUM, MAIN SHOWROOM - NIGHT/ INT. FRDDDIE’S HAUNTED MANION - NIGHT (Eddie, Grampy, George, Malachi, Freddie, Cassandra, Party guests)
EDDIE TRIES TO REASON WITH FREDDIE OVER THE PHONE.
EDDIE
I told you, I just want to spend
a quiet evening home alone.
FREDDIE
Boy, you’ve really got that rhyming
thing down pat. I can still call
what’s her name to come jump out of
the cake for you.
EDDIE
No party, no guests, just lots of
peace and quiet.
FREDDIE
Come on, Eddie. It’ll be fun.
Elvira’s here.


CASSANDRA GIVES EDDIE ANOTHER DIRTY STARE.
EDDIE
Very tempting, Fred. Uh, but no.
FREDDIE
Come on, Eddie. I’m desperate
here. Field Marshall Goehring
just gave me another dirty look.
EDDIE
Did your guest list just happen to
include the Rockettes, too, by any
chance? Fred. The answer is no.
I wanted to spend it with Veronica.
But, you know how things usually
work out for me.
FREDDIE
That succubus you married right out
of high school. I tried to warn
you not to marry that bloodsucker.
EDDIE
Plus, that multi-million dollar lawsuit
usually does have a way of coming
between aspiring couples, unfortunately.
FREDDIE
Come on, Eddie. Everyone who’s
anyone is coming. Santa’s coming.
It’s your big four-oh. You’ll never
have another opportunity to celebrate
it like this ever again.


EDDIE
I take it you haven’t heard of rein-
carnation.
FREDDIE
Debbie Downer. That’s what you are.
A Debbie Downer.
EDDIE
And proud of it.
EDDIE HANGS UP HIS PHONE. GRAMPY, MALACHI AND GEORGE ARE LISTENING IN.
GRAMPY
Dumb *!$%@.
MALACHI
You guys were right. My dad is a
loser.
EDDIE
So sue me, too.
MALACHI
Do either of you know a good
lawyer?
GRAMPY
Dumb *!$%@.
GEORGE
You know, you could buy Veronica a
dozen roses, apologize to her and
try to win her back.
GRAMPY
That way I could have that date with
Elvira.
EDDIE/GEORGE
No, Grampy.

EDDIE
That’s a great idea, George.
GEORGE
That’s the Christmas spirit.
GRAMPY
And if things don’t work out
between you and Veronica.
EDDIE
Seriously, Grampy?
GRAMPY
It was just a thought. You know
I’m a horny old man.
EDDIE
More like a bit touched in the head.
EDDIE REACHES FOR WALLET.
EDDIE
George, do you have any idea how
much a dozen red roses costs these
days?
MALACHI
More than you can afford after that
lawsuit. At least that’s what you
keep telling me when I ask you to
buy me something.
EDDIE
Someone’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’.
MALACHI
Thanks for taking care of me like
a dad should, Pops.
EDDIE OPENS HIS WALLET. MOTHS FLY OUT

EDDIE
You know, I keep insisting you
were switched at birth with my
real son, but your mother says
not. Bless her evil little
heart.
Scene G
INT. RAVEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT (Raven, Oliver, Jaimie, Dexter)
OLIVER AND JAIMIE ARE STILL WIDE AWAKE AS RAVEN CONTINUES.
OLIVER
Do you think Veronica will ever
forgive Eddie?
RAVEN
I don’t know.
JAIMIE
Eddie’s a dork. What do you think?
RAVEN
If you two keep interrupting me,
we’ll never get to find out how
the story ends.
OLIVER AND JAIMIE NESTLE BACK IN.
RAVEN
Meanwhile, Freddie …
Scene H
INT. FREDDIE’S HAUNTED MANSION - NIGHT (Freddie, Cassandra, Party guests)
FREDDIE’S DESPONDENT.
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LadyHawke



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:24 am    Post subject: pages 24 - 30 Reply with quote

FREDDIE
He’s not gonna come. I could offer
him the starring role in Scary
Town. But then that would mean the
end of the show before it even opens.
CASSANDRA
You could go over and talk to
Veronica. Try to persuade her to
take Eddie back.
FREDDIE
I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have
to get involved. Women just can’t
help themselves. They have to fall
in love with me.
CASSANDRA
I could come along for some moral
support. I have ways of making
sure certain women keep their mitts
off my man.
FREDDIE
But then the question we could be
asking ourselves: where did Cas-
sandra bury the body?
CASSANDRA
It is Halloween. Take your best
shot.
FREDDIE
You know, you’re so darned cute when
you’re macabre side starts showing.

CASSANDRA
As in Vlad the Impaler cute?
FREDDIE
(aside) Should not have gone there.
You know, you’re right. Maybe some-
how I can persuade Veronica to give
Eddie another chance.
CASSANDRA
Like you persuaded old what’s her
name to drop her lawsuit against
your brother?
FREDDIE
Crash and burn number two coming
right up.
CASSANDRA
I’ll keep the Bloody Marys warm.
FREDDIE EXITS. WE HEAR FROM THE CRYSTAL BALL’S SPRITE AGAIN.
CRYSTAL BALL SPRITE
Is he gone, so we can be alone?
Scene I
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S EMPORIUM, MAIN SHOWROOM (Grampy, George, Malachi)
GRAMPY SETS A DISPLAY ASSISTANT WANTED SIGN IN THE MAIN SHOWROOM WINDOW.
GRAMPY
You’re sure this will work?
MALACHI
Lot’s of people advertize for help
this way, Grampy.


GRAMPY
Gee, I don’t know. I wouldn’t
want any weirdoes applying for the
position.
GEORGE
I think you already have that
covered, Grampy.
MALACHI
What could go wrong?
GRAMPY
You had to ask that question, with
this family.
Scene J
EXT. VERONICA’S HOME, FRONT PORCH - NIGHT (Freddie, Veronica, Eddie)
FREDDIE, STILL DRESSED AS DRACULA, IS AT VERONICA’S FRONT DOOR. EDDIE’S NOT FAR BEHIND, ROSES IN HAND. HE SPOTS FREDDIE, HIDES BEHIND BUSHES TO EAVESDROP.
FREDDIE RINGS THE DOORBELL, VERONICA ANSWERS. SHE’S DRESSED IN A SLINKY, SEXY, SILVER FOX COSTUME. SHE’S GORGEOUS, VOLUPTUOUS, 30-ISH, STAR OF THE BIG SCREEN AND TELEVISION. A VIXEN. SHE SEES EDDIE HIDING IN THE BUSHES, PRETENDS TO COME ONTO FREDDIE.
FREDDIE
Trick or treat, foxy lady.
VERONICA
Well, well, well. If it isn’t
Mr. Frederick Lysander Zandergrom
in the flesh. Looking for a neck
to bite? Or would you rather
have a V-8?
FREDDIE
Tempting, but I think I’d better
pass. Cassandra has spies everywhere



VERONICA EYES EDDIE A SECOND TIME.
VERONICA
Don’t I know it? So, what brings
you here to my doorstep, tall, dark
and malevolent?
FREDDIE
I’ll just bet you say that to all
the good looking vampires.
VERONICA
Only the really cute ones, Count.
FREDDIE
Veronica. We need to talk.
VERONICA
I’m all ears. Your girlfriend isn’t
with you, is she?
FREDDIE
Uh, no.
VERONICA
Then entre vous, Herr Zandergrom,
at your own peril. I’m, as we say
in the business, ready when you are,
CB.
FREDDIE ENTERS.
FREDDIE
My, what big ears you have,
Grandma. And everything else, I
might add.
DOOR CLOSES. EDDIE EMERGES FROM THE BUSHES TO LISTEN IN AT THE DOOR.

28
Scene K
INT. VERONICA’S LIVING ROOM / EXT. VERONICA’S PORCH - NIGHT (Freddie, Eddie, Veronica)
VERONICA SEES EDDIE AGAIN AT THE DOOR THROUGH HER WINDOW, HAS IT OUT WITH FREDDIE.
VERONICA
If you’re here to smooth things
over for your brother, forget it.
FREDDIE
What can I say? Eddie’s a loser.
But he’s an adorable loser.
VERONICA
Talk about losers. What’s it
going to take for you to dump
that loser girlfriend of yours
and start dating me?
EDDIE, STILL LISTENING TO THE CONVERSATION, REACTS.
FREDDIE
Taking the starring role in Scary
Town? I can’t believe I just said
that.
VERONICA
Hmm. Star of your fright night
musical? A very tempting offer,
mon hunk. What if I said
absolutely?
FREDDIE
I’d say bury me six feet under
because that’s exactly where’d
I’d be if I dumped Cassandra for
you.


VERONICA
You’re not considering Eddie’s
feelings at all?
FREDDIE
Do I really need to take that risk?
VERONICA
True. He cried for weeks when I
told him I was going on vacation,
with Stan.
FREDDIE
The ice cream truck guy?
VERONICA
What can I say? I liked his vanilla
swirlies.
FREDDIE
Frankly, I don’t know what Eddie
sees in you, yes I do, but …
VERONICA
I’ll just bet you’d look hot in
a coffin.
FREDDIE
A few years down the road maybe when
I’m old and gray and dead. Right
now, I’m here to talk about you
getting back together with Eddie.
VERONICA
I’d much rather talk about that trip
for two to the Scary Town No Tell
Motel with his deliciously hot,
younger brother. Kiss me, you fool.


30
FREDDIE
(cowering) Mommy.
VERONICA PLANTS A GINORMOUS WET ONE ON FREDDIE. EDDIE BURSTS IN UPSET, ANGRY, ROSES ALL CRUMPLED UP.
EDDIE
My own brother? With my girl-
friend? AND ON MY BIRTHDAY?
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
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Location: New York

PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:27 am    Post subject: ACT II pgs 31 - Reply with quote

31
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. VERONICA’S LIVING ROOM (Eddie, Freddie, Veronica)
FREDDIE AND EDDIE HAVE A WAR OF WORDS.
EDDIE
How could you do this to me, Fred?
Not to mention you, Veronica.
And on my birthday.
FREDDIE
She started it.
VERONICA
Sure. Blame the broad. Things
haven’t changed much since the
sandbox days, have they?
EDDIE
I came home because you said you
needed help with Grampy’s store.
FREDDIE
I asked you to come home because
you lost your shirt in that lawsuit.
VERONICA
He’s a loser, all right. In more
ways than one.
EDDIE
And you think your Scary Town’s
going to be the huge success.
FREDDIE
Well, I didn’t pilfer a book’s
plot like you did for Charmed
School.


VERONICa
Now the truth comes out.
EDDIE
You’re bringing that up again?
You know that was an accident.
VERONICA
Just waiting to happen.
FREDDIE
You’re still mad because I took
that soakie and hid it in the
Ming vase. That was my soakie,
FYI!
VERONICA
You’re fighting over a rubber ducky?
EDDIE/FREDDIE
Yes!
VERONICA
You two stay here and duke it out.
I’ve got a Halloween party to go to.
VERONICA EXITS.
FREDDIE
Just great!
EDDIE
And what are you doing talking to
Veronica anyway?
FREDDIE
I was trying to talk her into taking
you back. And what do you do?
EDDIE
Really? Really, Freddie? It looked

EDDIE (CONT’D)
more like you were trying to steal
Veronica away from me with that
big, slobbery kiss.
FREDDIE
A timeout. That’s what you need.
A timeout.
EDDIE
(throwing a tantrum) Me? A
timeout for me? What about you,
needing to have the attention of
every girl in the room? Stop
treating me like a child, Fred.
I’m four years older than you.
FREDDIE
(reacting) Well, if the shoe fits.
EDDIE
No. You know what I need, is a
vacation. Yep. A three week
vacation away from you. Away
from this whole family of ours.
FREDDIE
And just where do you plan on going?
EDDIE
As far away as possible. To the
Himalayas. I can’t go to the moon
yet.
FREDDIE
But they are signing people up for a
a one way ticket to Mars. Maybe


FREDDIE (CONT’D)
we can get you a discount.
EDDIE SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM AS HE TROMPS OUT. FREDDIE CALLS OUT AFTER HIM.
FREDDIE
Should not have gone there. Eddie.
I was only kidding. Come back.
Great. That’s all I need. For
Eddie to find the Abominable Snow-
man and hire him as the star of my
musical. I knew I shouldn’t have
made him the producer of my show.
DISSOLVE TO:
Scene K
INT. ZANDERGRAMPY’S EMPORIUM - DAYS LATER (Freddie, Grampy, George, Malachi, Amanda, Jerica, Job Applicants)
RADIO’S PLAYING MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.
A VERY LONG LINE OF APPLICANTS AWAIT INTERVIEWS: A WIDE, ALL EMCOMPASSING, MOTLEY ARRAY OF “STRANGE” AND JUST PLAIN “WEIRD” CREATURES.
AMANDA IS AT HER DESK PROCESSING AN ALIEN.
AMANDA
And how long have you been a resi-
dent of this planet?
ALIEN
Bleep, blop. Bloop. Bloop.
AMANDA
I see. Do you have a green card?
ALIEN REACHES INTO HIS “SIDE POCKET” AS CAMERA PANS TO GRAMPY AND GEORGE TOGTHER STARING AT THE LONG LINE IN SHOCK AND AWE


GRAMPY
I had no idea so many people were
out of work.
GEORGE
It’s a sign of the times, Grampy.
A sign of the times.
MALACHI INTERVIEWS ANOTHER APPLICANT WHO STRANGELY LOOKS LIKE SEAN BEAN DRESSED AS HIS CHARACTER IN GAME OF THRONES.
MALACHI
Was it low ratings? Or did the
networks decide to kill off another
one of your characters, Mr. Bean?
FREDDIE ENTERS. THE LINE OF MOTLEY CREATURES GRUMBLE LOUDLY, ONE SHOUTS.
MOTLEY APPLICANT
Hey! Get in line!
FREDDIE
That may reflect in a paycheck if
you get the job. Hey, have any of
you heard from Eddie?
AMANDA
He’s gone?
JERICA ENTERS WEARING A LADY GAGA ORIGINAL: A BACON DRESS. FREDDIE REACTS.
FREDDIE
You know, your definition of what’s
hot in fashion is starting to scare
me just a little bit.
JERICA
But, Uncle Freddie. It’s Lady Gaga.
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