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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First I'm gonna tell you one joke so you could understand the second one better.

Two balloons flying in the desert,and one say:Watch out,cactusssssssssssssssssss... Very HappyVery Happy

And the second one:

Two lions going in the desert,one says:Watch out,cactussssssssssssssssssssss... -You idiot,we're not balloons...!!
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Me



Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 51
Location: Reutlingen, Germany

PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very HappyVery HappyVery HappyVery HappyVery Happy

oh my god, great one Very HappyVery HappyVery Happy



*i got a silly sense of humour, but i loved it Very Happy*
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ANNOUNCEMENT
Silicon Valley , CA

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that
can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup and speaker size. This has been hailed as a
major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining
about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 4:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:55 am    Post subject: Wal-Mart Has Everything! Reply with quote

Wal-Mart Has Everything!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

'There's a diagnostic computer down at WalMart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @
Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog ha s ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and

after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

*************************************** *********
Marriage (Part II)


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,

'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it IS time to go home and

wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up'
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator?
.
.
.
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door!
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator?
.
.
.
Open the door, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door!
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

All animals meet at the annual animal conference.
Which animal is missing?
.
.
.
The giraffe. She's still in the refridgerator.
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you cross a river with gators in it?
.
.
.
Just swim through it... the gators are at the animal conference!
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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know that one,it's great!Very Happy
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 11:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why does our dog lick his ..... ?
.
.
.
.
Because he can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 7:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just f.y.i. I meant his elbow!!!! Or is there anyone out here who can lick his/hers????????
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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah,you meant elbow... Very Happy
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Hasepup1980



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 3375
Location: GERMAN PAMPA!!!

PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fer sure!!! What else could I have been talking about, huh????? Twisted Evil
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