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Have a joke for Tim?
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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:56 am    Post subject: Have a joke for Tim? Reply with quote

If you have a joke to write it to Tim,or if you want to be like Tim,try your funny skils here! Laughing
You heard that Tim is MAYBE coming back to stand up,and if that's true,let's write few jokes for him,so he wouldn't went out of material.
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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What is blond doing on the bottom of an ocean?She is looking for Leonardo DiCaprio...
Laughing (Titanic...)
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Samantha



Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 93
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hah, nice one Rela.
Since most of my family consists of men (i have 4 older brothers and no sisters) i told this joke at supper once.
"Why was Adam made before Eve?" i said. My brother Tom said something stupid of course. And i replied with, "because you have to make a roughdraft before creating a masterpiece" haha i crack myself up. My mom laughed out loud. I think i told that joke when i was about 12, got all my brothers pissed off.
Hope you enjoyed that one Tim Razz
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:46 pm    Post subject: Camoflauge Clothing Reply with quote

There once was a pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, would change into a red shirt. After observing this behaviour for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, Sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants".
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rela



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1602
Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mouse and an elephant are walking thru the bridge,and the bridge suddenly crashes.And the elephant says to the mouse:See?I told you I should go first!
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Know what happens when a turtle fasts?

He gets ahead of himself!
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 1080
Location: New York

PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have I got a comedy script for Tim! Anybody ever work in a restaurant? No I don't mean that stupid movie WAITING some jerk put out. I mean get to know the REAL BEHIND CLOSED SWING DOORS stuff! I got 'em! Anybody wanna read it? PM me!
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 1080
Location: New York

PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PS ASK ME ABOUT THE RUNNING PRIME RIB JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The wife was unsatisfied with her car and complained with her husband:



Please buy me a surprise present for my birthday, that speeds up from 0 - 100 in 4 seconds, blue is preferred. She was expecting this:





Her birthday came and she openend up her present.








Rumors say her husband did not survive.
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LadyHawke



Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 1080
Location: New York

PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay. So nobody's PM'ed me about the prime rib joke. So, I'll tell you anyway. This is a TRUE STORY. My sister witnessed this in a restaurant kitchen when she was serving a large banquet.

The chef in the kitchen was getting frazzled because she was beginning to get a bit low on the prime rib. And she was having a very bad hair day! (don't they all!--every night!)

Anyway, the longer it took to serve the banquet the worse the temper. Then one of the waitresses came in and handed back a cut of prime rib to the chef and said that her customer would like the rib well done. Well, say no more! His wish was the chef's command!

The chef turned around, promptly whipped the rib off the plate--SQUEEZED THE YOU KNOW WHAT OUT OF IT, THREW IT BACK ON THE PLATE, dabbed it with her cloth and then poured some aus jus on it and said, there ya go!

There wasn't a dry eye in the kitchen after that or another word spoken for the remainder of the evening's work shift.

And THAT is the center cut of my HASH HOUSE! Wink

Bon appetit!
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you say after burping in McDonals?

McScuse me.
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BEFORE MARRIAGE...

John -- Ah... At last. I can hardly wait!
Jane -- Do you want me to leave?
John -- NO! Don't even think about it.
Jane -- Do you love me?
John -- Of course! Always have and always will.
Jane -- Have you ever cheated on me?
John -- NO! Why are you even asking?
Jane -- Will you kiss me?
John -- Every chance I get!
Jane -- Will you ever hit me?
John -- Hell No! Are you crazy?!
Jane -- Can I trust you?
John -- Yes
Jane -- Oh, Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE... read bottom to top!
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's one I found in a different forum. I liked it...

Long ago lived a Newfie seaman named Captain Bravo who sailed with the English navy. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo turned to the first mate, ''Get me my brown pants.''
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Bermudagirl



Joined: 10 Mar 2005
Posts: 1533
Location: Austria

PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 6:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

joalis wrote:
Here's one I found in a different forum. I liked it...

Long ago lived a Newfie seaman named Captain Bravo who sailed with the English navy. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo turned to the first mate, ''Get me my brown pants.''


That one sounds very familiar to me:


Quote:
There once was a pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, would change into a red shirt. After observing this behaviour for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, Sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants".
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, bermudagirl, sorry about that. I didn't notice!
No wonder it looked familiar to you.
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