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On Monogamy...

 
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Canadienne



Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 2:25 pm    Post subject: On Monogamy... Reply with quote

What does everyone really think about monogamy? Do you think it is a natural state among humans, or merely a social convention that we have been trained to believe is the natural order of things?
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lg
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 5:03 am    Post subject: monogamy Reply with quote

Oohh..what an interesting question!

I don't know if its right or wrong, the way I think about this...in nature, there are animals who mate for life and others who don't. I've always thought there was some higher reason for this particular design. Why do Canada geese mate for life, but ducks don't? Why do certain primates mate for life, but others don't? There's obviously some seed thought in there, for such to occur. Who's idea was it in the first place?

I am of the bent (that) even if we humans were divinely optimistic concerning polygamy, we could not help but think of our own shortcomings, if another was chosen. (Is he/she a better friend, lover, has better hair, bigger smile, sense of humor, understanding, and on and on...) Perhaps for those who mate for life, there is this weakness of self-esteem...perhaps, it is to ensure population issues, perhaps it is teach unconditional love. Perhaps can also go on, ad infintum.

So, monogamy, to me, is either a lesson to the weaker, or a gift to the stronger. I think polygamy would be a lot like sweet cravings...in the short term it might satisfy, but in the long run, man cannot live by ice cream, alone. I don't know the answer...L.
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Canadienne



Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:01 am    Post subject: Monogamy Reply with quote

Don't know... although I'm a pretty monogamous person myself, sometimes I think it would be more fun for eveybody if each family had multiple parents. It just seems that two parents always get stretched too thin and don't get enough time off for bad behavior...

Think of the possibilities.

Wink
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sassylassy



Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 20
Location: Sydney, Down Under

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 10:40 pm    Post subject: Practising monogamist Reply with quote

I'm a practising monogamist, in that, while I have strong doubts that human beings are monogamous by nature, I practise it any way out of respect for my partner's feelings. He and I have had this discussion and have concluded that should we ever get to a point where we are looking around, we won't do anything behind the others' back. I think that "cheating" and dishonesty are the real destructive culprits when it comes to relationships, and the more you think you "own" someone, the more likely they are to pull away. Probably not the popular stream of thought, but a realistic one.
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Canadienne



Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:54 am    Post subject: Monogamy Reply with quote

Yeah, but "cheating" is pretending that things are one way when they are in fact another way. Whoever is cheating is pretending that they are happy with only one person when in fact they are not.

Okay, if polygamy is too complicated, how about serial monogamy? There are plenty of species that are monogamous only during the mating season and that's about it. Wouldn't you say that most humans seem to be programmed for serial monogamy? Very few of us mate for life.
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sassylassy



Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 20
Location: Sydney, Down Under

PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 1:47 am    Post subject: serial monogamy Reply with quote

Canadienne, while I would disagree with your definition of "cheating," (every couple has the right to define what kind of arrangement their marriage will be), I definitely agree with you that humans are, for the most part, serial monogamists. I really, really envy couples who celebrate 50 years of matrimony with no extramarital liaisons involved. It seems like a monumental achievement, especially nowadays with so many options available.

Thanks for an interesting discussion!
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Jess Pumpkin Queen



Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Posts: 15

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it cheating if you both know that you or the other person (or both of you) have other relationships as well, and you're both okay with it?

As for the original question, I do believe in monogamy. At least, I think it's the right thing for me. I don't care what other people do. People talk about nature a lot, but human beings have moved so far from nature I wonder if it matters anymore.
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Kanadiana



Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Tronna, ON

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 11:35 pm    Post subject: Re: On Monogamy... Reply with quote

Canadienne wrote:
What does everyone really think about monogamy? Do you think it is a natural state among humans, or merely a social convention that we have been trained to believe is the natural order of things?


Hi Canadienne, from another Canadian Wink

Monogamy? Nature or nurture?

I dunno the answer to that, and to me it really doesn't matter whether I know or not ... in order for me to "keep it simple" all I really need to know is "How are we doing THIS relationship" ... we're all individuals. Relationships and lives are built upon these structures ... the facts.

Nothing like knowingly choosing your own paths based on knowing what kinds of paths you're walking Wink

K.
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virtuoso in pink



Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 32
Location: Houston, Texas

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As for me, I couldn't dare think of sharing my love with someone else or the person who I give my life/soul to sharing his love with someone else.. but thats just how I am.. As for monogamy being right or wrong.. Its wrong for me but is right for someone else.
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UberChic



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 129
Location: Los Angeles, CA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 10:33 am    Post subject: Re: On Monogamy... Reply with quote

Canadienne wrote:
What does everyone really think about monogamy? Do you think it is a natural state among humans, or merely a social convention that we have been trained to believe is the natural order of things?


By observing the world, I would say that monogamy is NOT a natural physical state, but rather a social expectation. It creates a better environment for raising children and keeping the tribe together, so the social group demands it.

Human biology also demands that we start reproducing at the age of 13. But society can not handle that reality (psychologically or financially), so the social pressure is there to try to stop it from happening.

I think humanity would be better served by living in polygamous tribes. Marriage should also be a renewable contract, not a lifelong promise.

We set ourselves up for "failure" because social expectations are too far removed from our natural biology. We would all be better served by adopting a realistic middle ground.
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 10:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That makes a lot of good sense, but don't you mean polyamorous tribes?
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UberChic



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 129
Location: Los Angeles, CA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

joalis wrote:
That makes a lot of good sense, but don't you mean polyamorous tribes?


I think polyamory is a total giving in to biological urges without regard to social responsibility, so, no, I mean polygamy.

Women need to be financially/legally/physically protected before they engage in sex, as they may become pregnant.

The "Free Love" era brainwashing, I think, was a real disservice to women.
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wouldn't polygamy leave too many men alone?
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UberChic



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 129
Location: Los Angeles, CA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, polygamy would not leave too many men alone. Polyandry would balance things nicely.
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joalis



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 1155

PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh. Okay. I was getting terms mixed up. I know what you mean now. It makes sense.
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