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Do we wait until they are 18 ?
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KatieSandstrom



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 152
Location: North Pole, Alaska

PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2005 11:20 am    Post subject: Re: mystery Reply with quote

lg wrote:
I don't think you really needed to ask us, as your answer is in the first part of your reply.

I don't think that was a nice thing to say.
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lg
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 6:13 am    Post subject: KP Reply with quote

Oh, Katie, I'm sorry! I meant it as a COMPLIMENT, as in, 'we know the answers within ourselves, if we seek and listen'...sorry sorry sorry. L.
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KatieSandstrom



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 152
Location: North Pole, Alaska

PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oppps!
Thank you for the message. I'm at a point where I'm practicing to NOT hold things in...thus I spoke. It actually felt very good. Usually I fear saying how I feel as I care more about the other persons feelings.
So all in all something positive came out of this Laughing
Sorry in return if I offended you as well.
Katie
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Canadienne



Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:46 am    Post subject: Wait until 18 Reply with quote

If you are hoping for a magic age at which your child won't "feel weird" about you being with someone other than Dad, there really isn't one. I think no matter what age you are, there is a certain period of adjustment that you as a child have to go through when your parent is with a new partner.

My parents divorced when I was a young adult, and even though I was very sympathetic to the whole thing, I still remember feeling very, very weird the first time I saw my Mom cuddling on the couch with her new boyfriend. I think it's just something you have to go through. I eventually got more comfortable with the whole thing, but it did take time.

You have the benefit of having both sides of the perspective, so when you do start dating again, be patient with your kids if they are a little uncomfortable about the whole thing at first. Just remember that all kids have those feelings, but that they do eventually get over them. Just give them time, and try to respect them. Hopefully, they will at least respect your decision to date, even if they don't yet feel comfortable with it.

A good friend of mine (mother of two) is having a tough time adjusting to the fact that her widower father is dating someone a year after her mother passed away.

As I said, I think these feelings are inevitable, but they do eventually work themselves out.
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lg
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:43 am    Post subject: response Reply with quote

Canadienne, I think that your response is the most accurate of all. Very well put...Katie, when Sundance is over, print C.'s response and read it to your daughter/sister at approriate times. Truly, it says it all. L.
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mikebl34



Joined: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Rancho Cucamonga, CA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kids are your best judge of character. I knew by my kids reaction that getting remarried was the right thing to do. Would I have waited until they were 18? Probably not. You do need to keep their feeling in mind, but if you share with them and keep them involved it won't be such a transition. My ex and my wife now are best friends and that has made life so much better.
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KatieSandstrom



Joined: 07 Dec 2002
Posts: 152
Location: North Pole, Alaska

PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am torn on this topic. I have recently started dating again, BUT keep it "away" from my child. I don't think that I am ready to expose this side of life to her yet. Then I think, it could be my internal excuse to NOT get deeply involved with a man.
Still thinking...
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Mariaarcondo



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 340
Location: Asuncion, Paraguay

PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've heard a doctor in psicology once and he said that parents have to tell to the children what they are going to do, and that parents need to remake their lives. And I think so too. I am separated and I told my son everything. He was just 5 years old and he is really fine today (1Cool. Talk, talk, explanations. That is what children want, what they need, and a lot of love, making them feel secure y save. I always tried to speak fine about his father and the divorce seems not to affect him.
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Jess Pumpkin Queen



Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Posts: 15

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is going to be extremely long, so I wont blame you if you just skip it. But here's my $.02

My parents have been married since my parents were my age (my mom was 20, my dad was about to turn 19), and they're very happy. They're relationship just works.

Not all relationships are like that. I consider myself lucky. My best friends parents got divorced and two of my aunts and three of my uncles have been divorced (one of my uncles divorced before he married my dad's sister, so I never knew his ex-wife, and my mom's brother has been married and divorced I think 2 times).

My best friend's mom is a lesbian, and came out after they got married. It was one of those "I like you a lot, and maybe if we're together long enough, I'll grow to love you" things. I get the feeling this was her mom's idea. He married her because he was in love with her younger sister, but her sister was too young for him, and she looks just like her sister, anyway. They got married. Had a kid, mainly because other people kept saying "when are you going to start having kids". This all sounds terrible, I'm sure. Somehow, though, despite everything, it was a friendly divorce. They're still best friends. And my friend says that the divorce is perhaps the best thing that's happened to her family.

My aunts and uncles weren't so lucky. My mom's brother was just flat out unlucky, he married a woman who ran away with his best friend. The other woman was just a hag and I have no idea how they got together. I still don't know the situation with my dad's brother and his ex-wife (who I still think of as my aunt, even though technically she's not). They had what seemed to be a lovely marriage, then suddenly they broke up. Now, they may have just successfully kept stuff from us, but from the little imformation I've gotten, I get the feeling there was some cheating involved. I never knew my other uncle's wife, but I'm almost certain there was cheating involved.

These people all had kids at the time. They all had trouble dealing with the divorse. But the kids who had to see all the fighting and problems before the divorce say that that part was worse than them splitting up. It's scary to watch your parents marriage fall apart. I think at some point, people are just waiting for it to just end.

I think some problems can be fixed. I also think that sometimes the best the best thing for everyone is just to end it and move on with life.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Would waiting teach a child a bad habit as much as getting into a bad relationship? Most people have enough love for more than one person. If there is another someone out there that is a great match, would that relationship be the best example?
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dee606



Joined: 14 Aug 2005
Posts: 11
Location: Seattle area

PostPosted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 10:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I waited until my kids were about 18 until I really started dating again.
For 2 main reasons
1. my kids needed me. My XH was rarely interested in his kids so I made sure I could be there for them.
2. I needed the time to heal my broken-heart and to make sure that I would not repeat the mistakes that were done in my marriage and to be strong whole person by myself.
Some people can just jump right back into the dating game and that is fine for them.
But I couldn't and I know from how my kids are turning out I've made the right choice for my family.
Peace,
Dee
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Wizard27



Joined: 16 May 2005
Posts: 12
Location: On the Fart side of Humid and Freezing!

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 6:30 pm    Post subject: Depends! Reply with quote

It depends on the situation of the relationship of parent(s) and child. I hope that the parent/child relation is good or it will not look good.
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